A Spiritual Director’s Focus
Spiritual directors focus on a person’s relationship with God and the practices that nourish that relationship. It is normal during one’s spiritual development to want to reflect on one’s story and deepest spiritual desires. This is especially natural when a person experiences a crisis or disruption and they feel confused or stuck.
A spiritual director is trained to put aside his or her own agenda and assumptions, distractions, and thoughts to listen on several planes to you and the Spirit fully.
They want to process, tell their story, and have the input of someone who is listening to God on their behalf. Others yearn for more of Christ, and the usual avenues are not helping them. Then some have a need for discernment about life direction, and they desire more support and guidance.
If you are one of those persons interested in finding a spiritual director, what might you expect? Primarily, a spiritual director isn’t there to “direct” you but to “companion” you, which is why many spiritual directors today refer to themselves as spiritual companions.
A spiritual director’s primary responsibility is to hold you in prayer and listen deeply to you. Not only do they listen as you share whatever is stirring in your heart, they listen on your behalf to the Holy Spirit. A spiritual director is trained to put aside his or her own agenda, assumptions, distractions, and thoughts to listen on several planes to you and the Spirit fully.
The Process and Practice
An hour with a spiritual director has its own process. Before the time, the director would have prepared by sitting quietly with Christ so that she or he is ready to bring their full attention to you. You, the seeker, would have prepared by reviewing your journals or thoughts and by praying to discern what you would like to bring into the listening sanctuary of the director’s space. The actual hour usually begins with centering prayer to prepare you both to listen without distractions.
The sanctuary space of spiritual direction invites you to bring your real self to someone who will accept what you bring as a holy opportunity to experience the love of God and to grow.
The responsibility for how the time is used is yours, the seeker. The director, on the other hand, might ask questions, might refer to previous conversations or insights, or offer guidance to help with your spiritual development. However, their primary role is to give you the opportunity to tell your story without shame or fear. The sanctuary space of spiritual direction invites you to bring your real self to someone who will accept what you bring as a holy opportunity to experience the love of God and to grow. Everything is 100% confidential and sacred within the spiritual direction space. (However, if you are threatening suicide or are abusing in any way children or the elderly, the spiritual director is ethically and professionally required to inform the appropriate authorities.)
Spiritual direction can take many forms. Traditionally, it is done one on one, but there is also group spiritual direction. A trained group spiritual director might lead a specific type of group such as church planters or parents of small children. Group spiritual direction can also be simply a gathering of people who commit to listen and share even when they might not know each other.
Qualities of a Spiritual Director
You Didn’t Expect
When considering a spiritual director, we may find ourselves picturing an individual or individuals of tremendous greatness. We may find ourselves thinking of a fearless leader guiding us through lethal terrain, or a warrior striking down our enemies before us. We may picture a great analyst and teacher of the spirit or a drill sergeant of the soul.
The truth, though, is that spiritual directors are as human and vulnerable as you. They are humble, prayerful individuals who walk with us on the path to deepening our spiritual life and becoming even more faithful disciples of Jesus. They are there to walk alongside us in our journey, offering their presence, an attentive ear, and realistic wisdom to help in our spiritual formation.
These are all great qualities to look for in a spiritual director, but what you probably didn’t consider is that the spiritual director you connect with should also be following your example of being guided in the spiritual life.
Here are great qualities of a spiritual director that you didn’t expect:
A good spiritual director has their own spiritual director.
In order to guide someone along the spiritual pathway, a good spiritual director needs to have his own guide as well. The point of seeking spiritual direction is to provide oneself with an objective point of view.
As the old proverb puts it: No one is a good judge in their own case.
A good spiritual director will be known by his pastor.
You may have thought that, strictly based on his vocation, your parish priest would be your best candidate as a spiritual director. While most priests and even religious have some training in giving spiritual counsel, further formational training may be needed in order to become a well-trained spiritual director.
It is a best practice for a spiritual director to receive the go-ahead from his pastor before he begins guiding others. That gives the pastor a chance to vouch for the spiritual director’s training, as well as providing the parish with a resource for parishioners who may be seeking spiritual direction.
A good spiritual director is not there to make decisions for you.
A good spiritual director is not your own personal great decider. Look for someone who doesn’t impose, but can guide so you can make a decision. The spiritual director’s role is not to dictate what should be done, but to help you discern the promptings of the Holy Spirit, and to hear God’s voice. The relationship is ultimately between you and God.
A good spiritual director has suffered.
It is quite helpful and almost imperative to find someone who is familiar with suffering, as suffering is inescapable in the life of a Christian who wants to follow in Christ’s footsteps. A good spiritual director is someone who has been transformed by suffering into Christ’s image.
Someone fit to be a good spiritual director is someone who has experienced suffering; a person who has been forged by the suffering God has permitted in life. A person who has come to see that suffering does not mean being rejected by God, but instead is a grace and a sign of Christ’s confidence in them.
A good spiritual director is a person of prayer.
Ultimately, make sure your spiritual director is a person of prayer with a deep spiritual life. No one can share what they themselves don’t have.
What might a deep spiritual life look like? Feel free to ask a potential spiritual director what their spirituality consists of.
Have you noticed any unexpected positive qualities in great spiritual directors?